Saturday, July 27, 2013

Close to the Source I Swoon.

Written for the following prompts:
One Single Impression - Swoon
The Verse First - Close to the source
Linking to: Poetry Pantry #160   dVerse Open Link Night #107


Verse First's - Close to the source:
Good writing takes the reader on location. Good writing doesn't "talk about," but emanates the warmth, light and life of the topic at hand.  A good poem feels vivid and visceral and close to the source. Today, become the experience. Write from the source. With detailed yet precise language, make us feel your meaning. 

So here is my attempt, please let me know if I achieved the goal above and let me know if there were any improvements I could make. Drop by and leave a comment with your thoughts. Thanks.



A haunting melody
Whispering through the forest mist
Tickling my senses
Like a magnet I am drawn

Earthy boots crunching on fallen leaves
Searching blindly for that sweet sound
Footsteps quickening 
Anticipation testing my patience

The gurgling sound of a rushing brook
Mesmerising sweet refrain, tantalizingly near
Feet running fast, heartbeats quickening
Eyes aching to behold that source

~x~


One Single Impression - Swoon



And having beheld that source ..

There you sit by the pretty gulmohar
Under the light of a silken moon
That mesmerising sweet refrain
My senses begin to swoon

Mind intoxicated by your presence
Heart a flutter dancing wildly
Senses swimming uncontrollably 
Eyes locked and loving blindly.

~x~


 photo ilasoulpoems1.jpg

61 comments:

  1. Loved both the haunting melodies, beautiful lines.

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    1. Thanks Sulekkha. Glad you liked them both.

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  2. :) Both the poems are so wonderful as always and transports one to nature

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    1. Thanks Vandana. I was truly thinking of nature when I wrote it, particularly the forest in the mist. Glad you sensed that.

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  3. Enjoyed both poems. I think one's heartbeat DOES quicken as one finds that one is moving closer and closer to 'the source.'

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    1. Thanks Mary, often anticipation is more delightful than the actual meet :)

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  4. Suzy, no, you didn’t talk about the scene; you put the reader there by use of senses.

    I could hear the song whispering through the trees, the crunch of leaves, the sound of rushing brook, feel the tickle of the wind.

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    1. Thanks Debra. I'm glad you could feel and hear what I was feeling and hearing. Thank you for your encouragement.

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  5. You have nicely depicted the intense feelings of a lover....seems like a beautiful dream

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    1. Thanks Shellymona - hopefully a dream come true :)

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  6. Silken beauty in your descriptive words.

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    1. Thanks Gemma. Glad you thought so.

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  7. thank you for showing us the pretty Gulmohar, and all the other places. Lovely pieces.

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    1. Thanks Cheesewolf. Glad you liked them.

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  8. i like the emphasis on sound in the first one...the crunch of the boot, the gurgling of the brook...there is an awareness there...and an anticipation as well that can be felt in finding it...

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    1. Thanks Brian. You understood my poem well. :)

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    2. smiles, i try to read and understand...glad that i got it.

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  9. Putting the two together, Suzy, now I am sure it is a little grey squirrel that your poet is seeking. When he found the squirrel he was awe stricken and just wathed and dreamed of when he saw he first squirrel, remembering an occurence with his grandfather at the age of three.
    ..

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    1. Nice Jim. Glad my poem brought back that moment.

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  10. Suzy, Heard the murmurs- awed and spell bound! Lovely!

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    1. Thanks Panchali. Glad you liked it.

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  11. Your love and appreciation for the beauty of nature shines through - lovely writing!

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    1. Thanks Sherri. Glad you liked it. Yes, I feel very connected to nature.

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  12. Very good use of multi-sensory imagery. Hearing the sounds makes the visual much more distinct. Well done!

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    1. Thanks Scott. Glad you liked them.

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  13. love the building urgency in the first one - both very descriptive and vivid

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    1. Thanks Sam. Glad you picked up on that.

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  14. You've hit the mark with both poems, Suzy. Just beautiful!

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    1. Thanks Martha. glad you thought so.

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  15. Feet running fast, heartbeats quickening
    Eyes aching to behold that source

    Wonder what is the gurgling sound! Sometimes life gives us clues which might be helpful at times we need them most. If only we care to be curious. Great thoughts Suzy!

    Hank

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    1. Thanks Hank. Yes, life gives us many clues but the doubts take over and opportunities get missed. We need to go with our heart more often than we do.

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  16. two lovely poems that seem to mix as one.

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    1. Thanks Tatius. Glad you found them linked - they are.

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  17. beautiful. I could visualise it all . It was like a fairy tale to me
    makes me feel romantic
    <3 good one Suzy

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  18. Thanks Afshan. Glad you liked it. And happy you could visualise it.

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  19. Both exquisite wow, the flow is superb you definitely took me there

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    1. Thanks Mindlovemisery. Glad it took you on the journey.

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  20. I have to Suzy, I probably find your verses the most difficult to understand. I really take my time reading you...
    and that by the way is a compliment...
    -Ayush

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    1. Thanks Ayush, glad you dropped by and read.

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  21. this is free verse right?
    -Ayush

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    1. As always Ayush - except for my photos, everything else is a free write - only way I can write :)

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  22. wow, Suzy, both poems are so descriptive..it was almost tactile the way you described the crunching of dead leaves and the whole forest scene!

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    1. Thanks Roshni - I tried to make it as vivid as I could - glad you thought so.

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  23. You know, Suzy, your post is so much in sync with your header and the background - I felt these added to the experience. Beautifully expressed verse. Thanks for the treat!

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    1. Thanks Vidya - I never noticed that. Glad you liked my poems.

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  24. enjoyed the read!
    yes, i think the two poems are linked nicely. there is so much action and sound in the first poem, in anticipation of locating "the source", and then peace and serenity in the second part. a good contrast.

    and thanks for visiting my blog. :)

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    1. Thanks Dsnake1. Glad you were able to get what I was trying to portray.

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  25. Just spell bound!
    Beautiful!

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  26. Got some good spirits in you, nothing to fear ..!

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  27. Suzy - I love the sights and sounds you created with your words - I was transported there...I sense that you are very close to the Source and that's what makes you so collected. ♥

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    1. Thanks Corinne - I sincerely hope I am close to the Source. Glad you could take the journey with me.

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