Saturday, July 27, 2013

Close to the Source I Swoon.

Written for the following prompts:
One Single Impression - Swoon
The Verse First - Close to the source
Linking to: Poetry Pantry #160   dVerse Open Link Night #107


Verse First's - Close to the source:
Good writing takes the reader on location. Good writing doesn't "talk about," but emanates the warmth, light and life of the topic at hand.  A good poem feels vivid and visceral and close to the source. Today, become the experience. Write from the source. With detailed yet precise language, make us feel your meaning. 

 So here is my attempt, please let me know if I achieved the goal above and let me know if there were any improvements I could make. Drop by and leave a comment with your thoughts. Thanks.

A haunting melody
Whispering through the forest mist
Tickling my senses
Like a magnet I am drawn

Earthy boots crunching on fallen leaves
Searching blindly for that sweet sound
Footsteps quickening 
Anticipation testing my patience

The gurgling sound of a rushing brook
Mesmerising sweet refrain, tantalizingly near
Feet running fast, heartbeats quickening
Eyes aching to behold that source

~x~


 One Single Impression - Swoon



And having beheld that source ..

There you sit by the pretty gulmohar
Under the light of a silken moon
That mesmerising sweet refrain
My senses begin to swoon

Mind intoxicated by your presence
Heart a flutter dancing wildly
Senses swimming uncontrollably 
Eyes locked and loving blindly.

~x~


photo ilasoulpoems1.jpg

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60 comments:

  1. sulekkhaJuly 27, 2013 at 9:59 PM

    Loved both the haunting melodies, beautiful lines.

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    1. SuzyJuly 28, 2013 at 12:22 PM

      Thanks Sulekkha. Glad you liked them both.

      Delete
  2. Vandana SharmaJuly 27, 2013 at 10:28 PM

    :) Both the poems are so wonderful as always and transports one to nature

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    1. SuzyJuly 28, 2013 at 12:23 PM

      Thanks Vandana. I was truly thinking of nature when I wrote it, particularly the forest in the mist. Glad you sensed that.

      Delete
  3. ayalaJuly 27, 2013 at 11:19 PM

    Beautiful poems!

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  4. MaryJuly 27, 2013 at 11:51 PM

    Enjoyed both poems. I think one's heartbeat DOES quicken as one finds that one is moving closer and closer to 'the source.'

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    1. SuzyJuly 28, 2013 at 12:25 PM

      Thanks Mary, often anticipation is more delightful than the actual meet :)

      Delete
  5. kalpana solsiJuly 28, 2013 at 12:15 AM

    enjoyed both the poems.:)

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  6. DebraJuly 28, 2013 at 9:40 AM

    Suzy, no, you didn’t talk about the scene; you put the reader there by use of senses.

    I could hear the song whispering through the trees, the crunch of leaves, the sound of rushing brook, feel the tickle of the wind.

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    Replies
    1. SuzyJuly 28, 2013 at 12:26 PM

      Thanks Debra. I'm glad you could feel and hear what I was feeling and hearing. Thank you for your encouragement.

      Delete
  7. AnonymousJuly 28, 2013 at 1:49 PM

    You have nicely depicted the intense feelings of a lover....seems like a beautiful dream

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    1. SuzyJuly 28, 2013 at 8:02 PM

      Thanks Shellymona - hopefully a dream come true :)

      Delete
  8. J Cosmo NewberyJuly 28, 2013 at 9:14 PM

    Lovely imagery! Well done.

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  9. Gemma WisemanJuly 28, 2013 at 9:59 PM

    Silken beauty in your descriptive words.

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  10. AnonymousJuly 28, 2013 at 11:03 PM

    thank you for showing us the pretty Gulmohar, and all the other places. Lovely pieces.

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  11. Brian MillerJuly 28, 2013 at 11:52 PM

    i like the emphasis on sound in the first one...the crunch of the boot, the gurgling of the brook...there is an awareness there...and an anticipation as well that can be felt in finding it...

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    1. SuzyJuly 29, 2013 at 6:39 PM

      Thanks Brian. You understood my poem well. :)

      Delete
    2. Brian MillerJuly 31, 2013 at 10:16 PM

      smiles, i try to read and understand...glad that i got it.

      Delete
  12. JimJuly 29, 2013 at 12:01 AM

    Putting the two together, Suzy, now I am sure it is a little grey squirrel that your poet is seeking. When he found the squirrel he was awe stricken and just wathed and dreamed of when he saw he first squirrel, remembering an occurence with his grandfather at the age of three.
    ..

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    1. SuzyJuly 29, 2013 at 6:40 PM

      Nice Jim. Glad my poem brought back that moment.

      Delete
  13. PanchaliJuly 29, 2013 at 12:05 AM

    Suzy, Heard the murmurs- awed and spell bound! Lovely!

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  14. Sherri B.July 29, 2013 at 12:22 AM

    Your love and appreciation for the beauty of nature shines through - lovely writing!

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    1. SuzyJuly 29, 2013 at 6:54 PM

      Thanks Sherri. Glad you liked it. Yes, I feel very connected to nature.

      Delete
  15. AnonymousJuly 29, 2013 at 1:00 AM

    Very good use of multi-sensory imagery. Hearing the sounds makes the visual much more distinct. Well done!

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  16. UnknownJuly 29, 2013 at 5:43 AM

    love the building urgency in the first one - both very descriptive and vivid

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    1. SuzyJuly 29, 2013 at 6:59 PM

      Thanks Sam. Glad you picked up on that.

      Delete
  17. Lisa A. WilliamsJuly 29, 2013 at 5:59 AM

    Gorgeous poems!

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  18. Martha Jane OrlandoJuly 29, 2013 at 9:15 AM

    You've hit the mark with both poems, Suzy. Just beautiful!

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  19. kaykualaJuly 29, 2013 at 12:32 PM

    Feet running fast, heartbeats quickening
    Eyes aching to behold that source

    Wonder what is the gurgling sound! Sometimes life gives us clues which might be helpful at times we need them most. If only we care to be curious. Great thoughts Suzy!

    Hank

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    1. SuzyJuly 29, 2013 at 7:07 PM

      Thanks Hank. Yes, life gives us many clues but the doubts take over and opportunities get missed. We need to go with our heart more often than we do.

      Delete
  20. ScottlBJuly 29, 2013 at 2:18 PM

    two lovely poems that seem to mix as one.

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    1. SuzyJuly 29, 2013 at 7:17 PM

      Thanks Tatius. Glad you found them linked - they are.

      Delete
  21. Afshan ShaikJuly 29, 2013 at 9:03 PM

    beautiful. I could visualise it all . It was like a fairy tale to me
    makes me feel romantic
    <3 good one Suzy

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  22. SuzyJuly 29, 2013 at 9:36 PM

    Thanks Afshan. Glad you liked it. And happy you could visualise it.

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  23. AnonymousJuly 30, 2013 at 12:08 AM

    Both exquisite wow, the flow is superb you definitely took me there

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    1. SuzyJuly 30, 2013 at 6:32 PM

      Thanks Mindlovemisery. Glad it took you on the journey.

      Delete
  24. UnknownJuly 30, 2013 at 3:16 AM

    I have to Suzy, I probably find your verses the most difficult to understand. I really take my time reading you...
    and that by the way is a compliment...
    -Ayush

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    1. SuzyJuly 30, 2013 at 6:33 PM

      Thanks Ayush, glad you dropped by and read.

      Delete
  25. UnknownJuly 30, 2013 at 3:18 AM

    this is free verse right?
    -Ayush

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    1. SuzyJuly 30, 2013 at 6:34 PM

      As always Ayush - except for my photos, everything else is a free write - only way I can write :)

      Delete
  26. UnknownJuly 30, 2013 at 5:17 AM

    wow, Suzy, both poems are so descriptive..it was almost tactile the way you described the crunching of dead leaves and the whole forest scene!

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    1. SuzyJuly 30, 2013 at 6:35 PM

      Thanks Roshni - I tried to make it as vivid as I could - glad you thought so.

      Delete
  27. Vidya SuryJuly 30, 2013 at 4:47 PM

    You know, Suzy, your post is so much in sync with your header and the background - I felt these added to the experience. Beautifully expressed verse. Thanks for the treat!

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    1. SuzyJuly 30, 2013 at 6:36 PM

      Thanks Vidya - I never noticed that. Glad you liked my poems.

      Delete
  28. dsnake1July 31, 2013 at 3:33 AM

    enjoyed the read!
    yes, i think the two poems are linked nicely. there is so much action and sound in the first poem, in anticipation of locating "the source", and then peace and serenity in the second part. a good contrast.

    and thanks for visiting my blog. :)

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    1. SuzyJuly 31, 2013 at 6:51 PM

      Thanks Dsnake1. Glad you were able to get what I was trying to portray.

      Delete
  29. UnknownAugust 1, 2013 at 8:42 AM

    Just spell bound!
    Beautiful!

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  30. Silent Otto August 2, 2013 at 12:30 AM

    Got some good spirits in you, nothing to fear ..!

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  31. Corinne RodriguesAugust 4, 2013 at 1:28 AM

    Suzy - I love the sights and sounds you created with your words - I was transported there...I sense that you are very close to the Source and that's what makes you so collected. ♥

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    Replies
    1. SuzyAugust 4, 2013 at 12:54 PM

      Thanks Corinne - I sincerely hope I am close to the Source. Glad you could take the journey with me.

      Delete

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